Saturday, January 28, 2012

Why Faith?

I begin this post thinking of what the last few days have held. I've thought about my faith and how I've gotten where I'm at. In a way, Eli's cancer saved my faith. I don't think I had much, I certainly did not have the relationship with Jesus Christ like I do now. And I still have a long way to go. I've seen God heal my sister of brain cancer when she had a recurrence only 5 months after diagnosed with a Grade 3 (Stage 3 cancer) brain tumor. It was exactly Feb. 26th, 2010 when we got the news that, not only the original tumor was gone, but the other two that were questionable, were no longer there. I go back to this day to remind me if that sweet feeling. We have met so many people and children affected by cancer. My eyes were opened like never before. We have grieved the loss of many, even through this we only "met" online. This only reminds us how blessed and humbled we are that Eli has been healed.
God never promised life would be easy. Now I have my own journey, infertility. In comparison to what my sister has been through, this should be a piece of cake. No, it has been very hard. I would never compare it to her journey. I am just reminded of God's sweet grace! B and I have been trying for baby #2 for 8 months. I have pretty much taken the lead since the beginning. And I knew something was wrong from the beginning. The pain I felt was not like anything I had felt before. But I thought, I've seen my sister battle and beat cancer, I can deal with all these tests and prodding own my one. Leaving my "dear husband" out of it. I finally went to see a reproductive endocrinologist. He is suspecting endometriosis. Instead of a 25% chance of conceiving every month, we now have a 5-6% chance of conceiving. Yeah, not very good at all. But I know I serve a Mighty God and statistics do not mean much at all to Him! Amen for that! So, I speak out on something that is so quiet, almost a secret in this world. I hate that! It still requires healing and God, our Master Physician, is the one organize it all. Stress does not cause infertility, but infertility will cause stress! It's not as simple as, just relax and have fun. There are women out there that have been dealing with this quietly and the suffering is indescribable. I will voice my journey through this, knowing and holding on to God's promise of healing and most importantly, to hold on to hope. Hope that will have another little blessing join our family very soon!
I attended Girl's Night Out from our local Christian radio station last night. Comedienne Anita Renfro, speaker Lysa Turkersrt and singer Natalie Grant was there. I was touched to the core with the sadness so heavy in my heart. I knew God had saved this night for when I really needed to hear it. We all have our own journey in life. Whatever that may be, I pray that you find peace in the immesuarable love that only God can provide. God has sent me the best amount of support I could have ever asked for. I joined a group online of women. We all have our own stories. Many with heartbreaking losses and some battling infertility. And some blessed with a little blessing growing in their bellies. We have cried and laughed through words of support and inspiration. We are there for each other like I've never would have imagined. The support and the encouragement has touched me beyond words. God has sent a group of angels to support me through this journey! I am forever grateful for the friendship we have formed.
More tests coming up next week and then I will find out the stage of endo, if I am diagnosed, and we will go from there. In a way, I am relieved to at least have some answers. That there is truly something wrong me and that's why we haven't made a baby yet. But I know in God's perfect plan, we just have not reach that just yet. But I have faith that we will. Don't know how much longer this journey will be, but I can have faith that our little blessing is coming!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Mateo's 4th birthday party

The birthday boy!

The Mora and Gonzales' families.

The Mora family.

Lexi at Mateo's birthday party.

Mateo, my nephew, is turning 4 tomorrow January 16th. My sister and brother in law celebrated his birthday yesterday at their house. It was a beautiful day and the kids had a lot of fun playing outside in the playground with all the toys. I also took the chance to take pictures of Lexi. Her dad and Pedro (brother in law) have been friends since 4th grade- long time! LOL. I'll post those pictures as well.
I still remember the feeling the day Mateo was born like it was yesterday. Driving home that night from the hospital, was an unbelievable feeling mixed with all kinds of emotions but most amazing was the love I felt for my nephew! Even though he was not my own son, I had such a strong connection right away. Must be the twin thing between Eli and I. I am pretty sure that was one of the reasons B and I decided that maybe it was time for our little blessing! Love you Mateo! You are truly a blessing to everyone in our family and friends!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

2011: The year of Learning

Jayden and I on New Year's Eve.

B and I on New Year's Eve.

Happy New Year!
As I reflect back on 2011, I realized that this was definitely the year of Learning. It started off in January as I learned of a Specialty position that became vacant at work. I applied and with God's blessing, got the promotion. Oh what a learning experience that was! It has been the most challenging learning experience in my career. Not only that, I had to learn to again balance my career with motherhood. We also had to learn to raise & discipline a 2 year old! Jayden is such a happy and free-spirited child. In other words, he needed boundaries! He is not afraid of much and as his parents, we learned how important discipline or lack there of, is. In the summer we decided to go ahead and get Jayden's birthmark removed. What a trusting and learning experience that was. Going back & forth and learning to trust God with our son was a new experience for us. Even now, 3 months after, we are learning to be patient. Whether to wait for healing or to have another procedure to remove the last layer. All we know, is that we have trust the Lord that His Will will be revealed to us.
Lastly, learning to be patient. We have to be patient and wait for God to bless our family. We are already so blessed beyond words! Learning to trust in His perfect Will is tough when we have our own "plans" in mind. I always go back to Eli's healing (my sister) when I am saddened that our "plans" are not coming to pass. Eli was diagnosed with Grade 3 brain cancer. She had no idea what the outcome would be. All she did was trust that God would get her through it. That was His promise to her- healing. She waited 9 months that included craniotomy, radiation and chemotherapy. It was 9 months later that her faith in Him finally paid off. On February 26th, 2010, she received news that there were no more tumors in her brain! I always go back to that day. When I feel my patience is lacking, I learn all over again what true patience is. Patience to trust in the Lord with all your heart, no matter how things "may" look.
So thank you 2011! I have learned many things: to be so grateful for my family & friends, their health & safety and most importantly, I learned God's Will and timing is always perfect! So here is to an amazing 2012 filled with lots of blessings & grateful joy for each of you!