Saturday, January 28, 2012

Why Faith?

I begin this post thinking of what the last few days have held. I've thought about my faith and how I've gotten where I'm at. In a way, Eli's cancer saved my faith. I don't think I had much, I certainly did not have the relationship with Jesus Christ like I do now. And I still have a long way to go. I've seen God heal my sister of brain cancer when she had a recurrence only 5 months after diagnosed with a Grade 3 (Stage 3 cancer) brain tumor. It was exactly Feb. 26th, 2010 when we got the news that, not only the original tumor was gone, but the other two that were questionable, were no longer there. I go back to this day to remind me if that sweet feeling. We have met so many people and children affected by cancer. My eyes were opened like never before. We have grieved the loss of many, even through this we only "met" online. This only reminds us how blessed and humbled we are that Eli has been healed.
God never promised life would be easy. Now I have my own journey, infertility. In comparison to what my sister has been through, this should be a piece of cake. No, it has been very hard. I would never compare it to her journey. I am just reminded of God's sweet grace! B and I have been trying for baby #2 for 8 months. I have pretty much taken the lead since the beginning. And I knew something was wrong from the beginning. The pain I felt was not like anything I had felt before. But I thought, I've seen my sister battle and beat cancer, I can deal with all these tests and prodding own my one. Leaving my "dear husband" out of it. I finally went to see a reproductive endocrinologist. He is suspecting endometriosis. Instead of a 25% chance of conceiving every month, we now have a 5-6% chance of conceiving. Yeah, not very good at all. But I know I serve a Mighty God and statistics do not mean much at all to Him! Amen for that! So, I speak out on something that is so quiet, almost a secret in this world. I hate that! It still requires healing and God, our Master Physician, is the one organize it all. Stress does not cause infertility, but infertility will cause stress! It's not as simple as, just relax and have fun. There are women out there that have been dealing with this quietly and the suffering is indescribable. I will voice my journey through this, knowing and holding on to God's promise of healing and most importantly, to hold on to hope. Hope that will have another little blessing join our family very soon!
I attended Girl's Night Out from our local Christian radio station last night. Comedienne Anita Renfro, speaker Lysa Turkersrt and singer Natalie Grant was there. I was touched to the core with the sadness so heavy in my heart. I knew God had saved this night for when I really needed to hear it. We all have our own journey in life. Whatever that may be, I pray that you find peace in the immesuarable love that only God can provide. God has sent me the best amount of support I could have ever asked for. I joined a group online of women. We all have our own stories. Many with heartbreaking losses and some battling infertility. And some blessed with a little blessing growing in their bellies. We have cried and laughed through words of support and inspiration. We are there for each other like I've never would have imagined. The support and the encouragement has touched me beyond words. God has sent a group of angels to support me through this journey! I am forever grateful for the friendship we have formed.
More tests coming up next week and then I will find out the stage of endo, if I am diagnosed, and we will go from there. In a way, I am relieved to at least have some answers. That there is truly something wrong me and that's why we haven't made a baby yet. But I know in God's perfect plan, we just have not reach that just yet. But I have faith that we will. Don't know how much longer this journey will be, but I can have faith that our little blessing is coming!


Jill said...

Don't worry, Katherine. Your time will come again. I know it will. I enjoyed your blog post - I love that you're open enough to share this with us.

Crystal said...

I keep typing and deleting trying to find the words that would bring you comfort, support and hope. However, the only thing I can say to hopefully encompass everything is; I'm praying for you. And lastly THANK YOU, thank you for shedding light on a very dark and secretive topic.

Loni said...

Katherine - that was a beautiful post and to echo Crystal and Jill, thank you for sharing this. It's exceptionally personal, though comforting and relatable. XOXO

Amanda said...

Katherine your post is beautiful. I feel so honored to be on this journey with you. Nothing is to big for our God and he knows the desire of your heart. You will be a mommy again really soon I just know it.