It's been a whirlwind of emotions this past week. I can't believe we have received some of the hardest news in this nation: Boston Marathon's bombing and West Texas Explosion. My heart goes out to each of you affected by all this sadness.
The hardest part for me has been that I am in this hospital bedroom and unable to do anything. At. All.
My sister's beloved father in law passed away this week, on Tuesday April 16. I got news that I was continuing to dilate, despite being on the dreaded "mag" (more on that later) and hospital bed rest, with bathroom privileges, late Wednesday evening. More bad news on Friday and I felt like my body had decided to shut down.
It is during this time, that my mind has been in such a fog with meds and devastating news, that it went into shock. Mentally. Not a good thing when you are trying to fight for your babies' lives.
Some of my pressures has been my faith. I knew it was being tested, more than I have ever felt, but the pressure to be strong. You are better than this, you are supposed to have more faith than this, are a few of the things I was beating myself up with.
Literally, in these short amount of days, I have come to realize that, this is what faith truly is. Letting it all go. All of it. But the best part of it all, is letting it all to God. One thing is to keep telling yourself that. But it's another thing to have no other option and realize that this whole time you thought you were walking by yourself, you weren't. Jesus was carrying you. I finally took the blindfold and haze away and saw Him. He's not letting me go. I just need to let Him carry me.
We have reached a huge milestone in this pregnancy especially since these last 4 weeks have been so hard physically and mentally. But we still have a long way to go. But one day at a time.
We appreciate all the thoughts & prayers, messages, texts, phone calls and visits. They keep me going daily!
Instead of focusing my negative feelings about "locked up" in my (hospital) bed,I'm going to focus on this blessing: more time for our babies in my womb. More time that I put in, means more time for a chance to be healthy when they are born.
This journey is far from over, but we truly know, it's only possible with our Lord.
A gift for my big boy. He loves Transformers.